Positive "side effects" of coaching.
Jacek Jokś
What can an individual development process give you?
More and more people today are reaching for the individual development process. This is due not only to the expectations placed on us by an increasingly fast-paced world, but also to a purely human - internal - need to stop, reflect, take a quiet breath. Because, after all, in just a moment we are back to our daily run, a run often with obstacles.
I go to a coach for...?
Well, just what is it for? Depending on the topic, customers generally want to focus on the challenges they face to achieve their desired results. In a word, they want to reach their desired target state. Often these are business development goals, and just as often the goals are about developing managerial competence. Still another area is to work on one's life role or mission and career path. The essence is change and the willingness to implement it. However, it is important to know that in addition to the goal set by the client for the coaching process, the client learns in the process to change his thoughts, behavior, perception of the world. This happens, among other things, because he invites the coach, who forms a unique and unrepeatable relationship with him, to join his journey. This relationship turns out to be a catalyst for change.
Five positive "side effects" of the coaching process.
1. active listening.
One of the core competencies that a coach or psychotherapist is equipped with is active listening. Such listening can most accurately be described as fully engaged. It is expressed in full presence, in an atmosphere of acceptance and trust. A person capable of active listening hears not only what the other person says, but pays attention to how he says it. Above that, he pays attention to the unspoken and listens to his own feelings, which he shares with the interlocutor.
Clients of coaching processes often notice a change in themselves and say that they have finally begun to listen (to their spouse, partner, co-worker, friend...), that they have re-learned to focus their attention on the other person, without constant mental retreats into their inner world. As a result, they build more lasting relationships, derive satisfaction from them and the role of the
manager becomes lighter, able to truly engage in a meeting with an employee.
2 Asking questions.
The vast majority of sentences a coach utters are questions. They provoke the client to think, search for resources, solutions. They help to take a fresh look at - often - the fundamental issues of life, i.e. values, beliefs, the meaning of life.
Each of us is constantly engaged in an internal dialogue. We talk to ourselves, formulate questions, imagine how we could have behaved differently in a particular situation. Coaching teaches us to ask ourselves such questions that lead to solutions, that help us take the next step. These are action-oriented questions, about motivation and values. In addition, by taking care of so-called healthy semantics and asking ourselves supportive questions, we change the way we communicate with people, asking them questions, showing curiosity and provoking thought.
3. relationship building.
Active listening, having a healthy internal dialogue, asking questions of oneself and others (rather than immediately stating "facts") - all of these support the building of healthy, satisfying relationships. Already Aristotle stated that "man is a social being," and after all, the quality of relationships affects the quality of life. Coaching - through a specific relationship full of trust, acceptance, security and faith in the client - teaches such an approach to the other person. It teaches that the above components build more lasting relationships in which both parties are important to each other.
4 "How did you talk yourself into it", or dealing with procrastination.
Coaching has much in common with Solution-Focused Therapy, which, in addition to working on beliefs, also involves a small-step method and a search for specific, implementable solutions. The session ends with the establishment of the client's action plan and an examination of what may be getting in the way of the plan. It is said that good coaching is when the client stops needing a coach. Setting realistic goals on the road to change, being ready to implement them and being aware of lurking dangers, along with developed countermeasures, are ways to combat the ubiquitous procrastination, i.e. postponing tasks (and maybe even life?) for the so-called tomorrow.
5. self-awareness and being here and now.
When finishing work with a client, I usually ask them what was the highest value of our meetings. It's interesting to note that in addition to the change they worked on and implemented, they say - almost always - that the session time was an exceptional time. Special because they finally had time for themselves, time to meet with themselves, time to slow down and look at where they are and look for where they want to be. Clients appreciate that they had the opportunity to get to know themselves anew and now know what they want to do with their lives next. They begin to notice their thoughts, gain awareness of their emotions, are able to name them and work with them. In their daily run, they are able to stop for a moment, breathe consciously, direct their attention to their emotions, notice the world, people, themselves....
Coaching is not training.
Exactly. Despite the fact that the coach works with the client on the so-called attitude, on his goal, change, motivation, sense of purpose, coaching in itself is not a training of skills.
The positive "side effects" described above only indicate the additional value that comes from working with a coach, in fact - working with yourself with the temporary (usually about six months) support of a coach. It's worth learning to look at your life through the lens of acceptance, possibilities, self-trust, nurturing relationships. And this is what - by the way and not directly - can be experienced in an individual development process like coaching.
